My wife has to be the worst cook. In my house, we pray after we eat.

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My wife has to be the worst cook. In my house, we pray after we eat.

-- Rodney Dangerfield

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I came from a real tough neighborhood. Once a guy pulled a knife on me. I knew he wasn't a professional, the knife had butter on it.

-- Rodney Dangerfield

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I came from a real tough neighborhood. Why every time I shut the window I hurt somebody's fingers.

-- Rodney Dangerfield

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The other night a mugger took off his mask and made me wear it.

-- Rodney Dangerfield

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Why her cooking is so bad that the flies pitched in to fix the screen door. I leave dental floss in the kitchen and watch the roaches hang themselves.

-- Rodney Dangerfield

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One year they asked me to be poster boy for birth control.

-- Rodney Dangerfield

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