I came from a real tough neighborhood. Once a guy pulled a knife on me. I knew he wasn't a professional, the knife had butter on it.

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I came from a real tough neighborhood. Once a guy pulled a knife on me. I knew he wasn't a professional, the knife had butter on it.

-- Rodney Dangerfield

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My wife has to be the worst cook. In my house, we pray after we eat.

-- Rodney Dangerfield

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One day...as I came home early from work...I saw a guy jogging naked. I said to the guy...Hey buddy...why are you doing that for? He said..Because you came home early.

-- Rodney Dangerfield

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She looked at my calendar and wanted to know who JUNE was.

-- Rodney Dangerfield

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Boy were we poor, if I wasn't born a boy I would of had nothing to play with.

-- Rodney Dangerfield

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One year they asked me to be poster boy for birth control.

-- Rodney Dangerfield

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