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One day I ran into my girlfriend with my car. She asked me why I didn't ride around her. I told her that I didn't think I had enough gas.
-- Rodney Dangerfield
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The other night a mugger took off his mask and made me wear it.
-- Rodney Dangerfield
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My wife a great driver, she once hit a deer. It was in a zoo. There are a pair of shoes on the dashboard. they belong to the last guy she hit
-- Rodney Dangerfield
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Why her cooking is so bad that the flies pitched in to fix the screen door. I leave dental floss in the kitchen and watch the roaches hang themselves.
-- Rodney Dangerfield
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I came from a real tough neighborhood. Why every time I shut the window I hurt somebody's fingers.
-- Rodney Dangerfield
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My wife has to be the worst cook. In my house, we pray after we eat.
-- Rodney Dangerfield
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