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I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography.
-- Steven Wright
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I used to work at a factory where they made hydrants; but you couldn't park anywhere near the place.
-- Steven Wright
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I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
-- Steven Wright
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If at first you don’t succeed then skydiving definitely isn’t for you.
-- Steven Wright
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I’m addicted to placebos.
-- Steven Wright
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