Sorry about those texts I sent you, last night, my phone was drunk.

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Sorry about those texts I sent you, last night, my phone was drunk.

-- Anonymous

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I am so clever that sometimes I don’t understand a single word of what I am saying. – Oscar Wilde

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When I was growing up I always wanted to be someone. Now I realize I should have been more specific. – Lily Tomlin

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I Wish My Parents Were Like Google. They Should Understand Me Even Before I Complete.

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Never trust people who smile constantly. They’re either selling something or not very bright.

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You’re the cheese to my macaroni.

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