My alarm clock is clearly jealous of my amazing relationship with my bed.

Quotern

My alarm clock is clearly jealous of my amazing relationship with my bed.

-- Anonymous

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I’m not fat, god gave me airbags cause I’m precious

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The closest to perfection a person ever comes is when he fills out a job application form.

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I never met a meal I didn’t like! – Miss Piggy

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Many of my favorite memories are from growing up with you. Happy Birthday Cousin.

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I always give 100% at Work: 10% Monday, 23% Tuesday, 40% Wednesday, 22% Thursday, and 5% Friday.

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