The closest to perfection a person ever comes is when he fills out a job application form.

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The closest to perfection a person ever comes is when he fills out a job application form.

-- Anonymous

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If A equals success, then the formula is A = X + Y + Z. Where X is work. Y is play. Z is keep your mouth shut.

-- Albert Einstein

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I’m not arguing, I’m just explaining why I’m right.

-- Anonymous

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When my best friend and I first met, we were both like, You’re really weird.

-- Ayshu

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Everyone should have kids. They are the greatest joy in the world. But they are also terrorists. You’ll realize this as soon as they are born and start using sleep deprivation to torture you.

-- Ray Romano

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Puns are the highest form of literature.

-- Alfred Hitchcock

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