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I like hash tags because they look like waffles #
-- Anonymous
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If I had nine of my fingers missing I wouldn’t type any slower.
-- Mitch Hedberg
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My grandfather was a giant of a man … When he walked, the earth shook. When he laughed, the birds fell out of the trees. His hair caught fire from the sun. His eyes were patches of sky.
-- Eth Clifford
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For your birthday, I wanted to give you something that was both funny and charming, but then I remembered you already have me in your life.
-- Ayshu
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Success is like dealing with your kid or teaching your wife to drive. Sooner or later you’ll end up in the police station.
-- Fred Allen
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The bonds of matrimony are like any other bonds – they mature slowly.
-- Ayshu
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