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Mom, I couldn’t afford a gift, so I made you some stretch marks. Happy Mother’s Day!
-- Anonymous
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Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people once a year.
-- Victor Borge
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Fuck Valentine’s day. You’re single and fabulous.
-- Anonymous
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The best way to spread Christmas cheer is singing loud for all to hear.
-- Elf (2003)
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My idea of Christmas, whether old-fashioned or modern, is very simple: loving others. Come to think of it, why do we have to wait for Christmas to do that?
-- Bob Hope
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A merry Christmas to everybody! A happy New Year to all the world!
-- Charles Dickens
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