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Mom, I couldn’t afford a gift, so I made you some stretch marks. Happy Mother’s Day!
-- Anonymous
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Everything’s coming up roses – for me.
-- Ethel Merman
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Oh, Christmas isn’t just a day, it’s a frame of mind.
-- Anonymous
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I once bought my kids a set of batteries for Christmas with a note on it saying, toys not included.
-- Bernard Manning
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Sales ad at a store: ‘You are my one and only’ Valentine’s cards, now on sale: 4 for $5.
-- Unknown
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Nothing is lost until your mother can’t find it.
-- Anonymous
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